Ignorance is bliss when you’re a kid, so it’s hard to blame our parents for all the silly white lies they told us. From Santa being real to every white panel van belonging to a serial kid killer, we would believe it all.
So, naturally, Reddit users were on their game again by creating a page devoted to these lies that devastated us when we found out they weren’t true. Remember the hours you devoted to cursive writing because you thought you would probably need to use it AT LEAST ONCE? How about that degree that will automatically have you set for life? All of it is discussed in disgust. Enjoy this compilation of the very best.
This Made Me Go Full CSI Mode On Every Piece Of Candy I Opened
Every piece of candy was monitored by my parents. If I was about to eat a chocolate bar that our neighbor Martha, the 81-year-old retired dentist gave me, it was going to need to be examined.
It was like an episode of CSI was about to commence everytime a new candy was opened. Yes, including the white gloves.
“Honestly, You’ll Be Able To Pay Them Off In Like Two Years, Tops”
Student loan debt in the US has jumped over a trillion dollars. It’s funny that we’re expected to be able to succeed and take chances when we’re burdened by thousands and thousands of student loans that don’t allow for any financial leeway.
Most of us will be paying off our loans for 10 years at least which is absolutely absurd.
Thinking Is The Way Of The Past, We Don’t Need It Anymore
Pfft, if only our grade two math teachers could foresee that all of us carry calculators with us literally 24/7. Mental math is completely irrelevant and a skill that is going to be going by the wayside because of evolution.
If you ask a kid to do their basic time’s tables you’re going to be in for a long night.
Our Parents Turned Into Vampires Everytime They Drove During The Night
Why is it that your parents would automatically turn into vampires and be afraid of light when driving in the dark?
You could be kicking and screaming in the back and they wouldn’t say a peep but as soon as those lights came on — oh boy. They would react as if they got shot as soon as that light shone bright and they forgot their motor skills instantly.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha *Cries Internally*
Millianals are the first generation that is projected to be less well off than their parents. Every other generation before us were generally given more opportunities than their parents.
That’s not the case anymore. The new slogan should be “Hard Work MIGHT Get You A Little Bit More Than Minimum Wage”
“It’s Not Our Fault You’re Lazy And Can’t Maneuver Through An Economy That We Screwed Up For You” – Our Parent’s Generation
We are projected to be in worse shape than our parent’s generation and that has nothing to do with us. Millenials get a bad rap because we’re perceived as lazy, entitled takers that expect everything to fall into our laps.
The “bubble wrap generation” is a common way of describing us, but need I really point to who’s to blame for it?
I Know Nothing, I Literally Know NOTHING
The only thing you come to understand as an adult is that a lot of people do drugs, and cheese is really expensive.
Sometimes I wish I had the ignorance of a little kid again so that I could maneuver through life without anxiety or fear of what’s to come around the next corner.
Not Saying It Would Be A Good Thing, But It COULD Be A Good Thing…..
As an asthmatic, if someone came up and offered me some free puffers I would be ecstatic. If I was sick and someone came up and offered me some free Benadryl (I would be skeptical) but I would be ecstatic.
If I was needing medical marijuana for back pain and someone came up and offered it to me for free I would be very very excited!
How Do I Define Myself If I’m A Gas Station Attendant?
Our parents used to allow themselves to be defined by the job that they possessed instead of the person they actually are. It’s true, you should find something you love and find a way to get paid for it but unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
Millenials aren’t willing to stay at a job they hate anymore. Studies are showing we’re going to have 10-12 different jobs in our lifetime, so don’t be defined by it. Be defined by who you really are and your hobbies.
Move Over Mini Chalk Boards That You’ll Never Use In The Real World…
It’s funny because when we were in elementary school, we would spend so much time on skills like cursive writing on mini chalkboards and not much time on how to successfully maneuvring your way through a computer.
Apart from the exercise argument, we got scolded for spending too much time on computers which would only benefit us today.
There’s Been One Of These In Every Generation
There have been countless myths surrounding celebrities for decades, many of which are completely absurd and unrealistic. Jennifer Lopez has 60 children that she hides from the rest of the world (don’t look that up because it’s a complete exaggeration).
Now with people saying anything and everything on the internet, it’s hard to know what’s real anymore.
There Seems To Be A Common Theme Here That Millenials Are Mildy Screwed
All that BS that you were fed from adults while you were in school about how grades are the be all end all is ridiculous.
Just sitting in a lecture hall with a thousand other students getting recited the anatomy of the human body will not directly prepare you to become a surgeon as soon as you graduate. YOU NEED EXPERIENCE. Period.
The More You Chew, The More You Kill
There was this one myth and the myth about staring at the microwave will give your brain cancer. To this day, anytime that I put on the microwave I have to leave the kitchen because of the trauma that follows me if I were to sit in front of the microwave.
Still on the fence about the statement that swallowing gum will make it stay in your body forever.
Don’t Meet Up With Strangers And Don’t Give People Your Information…
We were taught to never talk to strangers (every family had the secret password they would ask a stranger if they were asked to go with them) and to never give out your personal information.
Weirdly enough, through social media, everyone knows our personal information and we literally get into cars with strangers every day with Uber.
Who’s Your Dewey?
Honestly, no one cares about the Dewey Decimal System so I won’t bore you with my commentary on it. Instead, can we talk about how little we learn about financial literacy in school?
Why do we have to learn irrelevant things like the DDS when we could be learning about how to do taxes and what mutual funds are.
They’re ALL In Tune With The Common Folk. Every Single One Of Them
There’ve been increasing numbers of people who have shown their distrust in the government. Leading that charge of skepticism is young people, more specifically, millennials. T
here’s a reason that there’s this anti-establishment sentiment sweeping across the world, and it looks like it’s only getting started.
I Don’t Know, I’d Rather Cry In A Bentley Than A Chrysler Neon
Money may not directly buy happiness, but it buys things that make you happy. If I’m going to be sad and in the fetal position crying, it would be much better if I was also in my shower made of gold.
If I’m going to be inherently unhappy, I’d rather do so on the beaches of Bali and not in a suburb of Portland.
Don’t Play Violent Video Games Because It’ll Deteriorate Your Brain
There’s this weird argument that people who play violent video games will then internalize it and eventually use it in real life.
There is literally no evidence to support this at all, but critics of video games still push out that narrative. Other than the inevitable nine-year-old annoying boy you meet who screams profanities online while play Call Of Duty, gamers are sweet.
Not Only Will It Hurt Your Neck, But It’ll Make You Go Permanently Cross-Eyed
Ah, the classic sitting too close to the TV myth. I’ve heard parents tell their kids that they will go permanently cross-eyed if they sit anywhere closer than 10 feet away.
These are the same parents who won’t sit in the front row of a movie theater, not because the neck pain would be extensive, but because the “energies” the TV gives off are cancerous.
And Cookie Dough Will Give You Salmonella 10 Times Out Of 10
I don’t even care if I get salmonella poisoning from eating raw cookie dough, I’m eating raw cookie dough. They could say that the second you eat this your stomach would explode and I’m still chowing down.
If you think tapeworms are going to scare me away from eating cake batter you’re thoroughly mistaken my friend.