Tinder Profiles That Are An Instant Swipe Right

humor | 6/5/18

Tinder, Tinder, Tinder, what would we do without you? Well, we probably wouldn’t waste our time going on awkward dates with people who look nothing like their profile pictures. Other than that though, it seems like Tinder has revolutionized dating for the, uh, good?

While your first impression of what the person looks like is often the reason you either swipe left or right, sometimes it’s the captions that can be the real turn on. Here are some of the funniest Tinder profiles that have graced the internet.

Coming up, find out how one girl covers 40% of Africa by just being born.

Means To An End

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Sometimes Tinder isn’t just for people who are looking for a romantic relationship. Sometimes it’s a lot more than that. It’s about finding a person who can go to Chipotle with you and not have any judgments. As many of you know, the aftermath that comes after eating at Chipotle is like none other. No further comment.

Taco Tuesday

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Luckily for Rachel, Nathan here looks like he’d be down for a little Mexican cuisine. If you have the confidence to go on a dating site and have this picture as your first impression, then you would have no problem with the effects Chipotle has on your body. Also, being able to keep three Tamagotchi’s alive is an impressive feat in itself.

Just Laziness

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Laziness is the major cause of about everything bad happening in your life. For example, you could look like Angelina Jolie but you would rather sit and eat an entire bowl of popcorn while binge-watching The Office on your couch. You could be a straight-A student, but you’d rather go out for dollar beers on a Monday and therefore ruin any productivity for the next three days.

Coming up, a dinosaur-human hybrid is laying out her (his?) needs on Tinder in the funniest way.

How Could You Not?

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Tinder is a time to flex, not literally (although sometimes literally) your assets. For example, a lot of the time you’ll see a guy leaned up against his dad’s Lamborghini to show that he has money. This guy on the other hand just wants you to know that he’s on Tinder strictly to steal your heart. We need more guys like him.

You’re Not, Nevermind

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It’s about time that animals start getting with the times and use technology to start dating. Sig may be the first, but I assure you it won’t be long until every animal in every zoo is using Tinder to look outside of their exhibit walls to find a mate. Also, 25 years old is a ripe old age for an ostrich so, tick tock.

Strong, Independent Velociraptor

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Admit it, most of us have had a pet rock at some point in our lives. They’re a steady friend who is rock solid (no pun intended) with their love and support for you. Reginald is just looking for the same stuff we all are, companionship. It’s a little bit harder for a ginger T-Rex/ human hybrid, but there’s always more fish in the sea.

Do you want to know what the most interesting man in the world’s Tinder profile looks like? That’s just ahead.

Everything I’m Not

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If you’re not tall, dark and handsome at least say you are. If you just keep saying it eventually people will begin to believe there’s some truth to. If you need an example, look no further than the President of the United States himself. If you dream it, it could come true. That’s science, or like astrology or something.

Geographical Facts

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This is just straight facts. The Savanna is a biome that covers almost half of Africa. Because of the dry and wet seasons, the availability of food in the Savanna changes quite often. Some animals go so long without water during the dry season that they are basically dead every year entering the wet season.

Dream Big

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There is no amount of jealousy that can be expressed about how Casey is able to avoid any contact with mosquitos. Hands down, they are the most annoying insects on the planet and it’s not even close. Wasps you say? No. They’re better. At least they have some color to them, unlike mosquitos who are bland and gross.

If the thought of a ball pit doesn’t get you giddy, you probably didn’t have a childhood. This Tinder profile coming up is for all ball lovers.

Duet Partner

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Finding someone who is willing to be your hype man or woman is a tough gig. It’s hard enough to find someone who knows any words to Fergalicious nevermind the rap part which statistics show only 5% of people even know. Those stats might not be accurate but you believed it, so there has to be some truth to that percentage.

An Actual Hero

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Reid’s Tinder game is on fire, literally. This photoshop of him saving animals from the animal shelter will get him from the “meh” level to the “put a ring on it” level with one swipe right. Not only did he save the animals, but he did it while walking home from the beach. He is the knight in shining armor Tinder has been waiting for.

Ah, The Ball Pit

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This is every little kid who went to Mcdonald’s, ate their Happy Meal and then went straight to the ball pit in the PlayPlace. Your head would see daylight for about three seconds before being fully submerged by plastic balls. If you think it’s hard to breathe underwater, you haven’t tried to breathe when you’re six feet under in the ball pit.

Just ahead, a girl perfectly compares herself to a razor and it’s actually genius.

Quite Brilliant Reviews

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Not going to lie, these are some pretty damn good reviews. If the Washington Post says you’re an “outstanding gentlemen” that’s something to behold because they haven’t even said that about the President in about 25 years. The NYT tends to throw out compliments quite a bit, but THE WASHINGTON POST? Wow.

It Takes Two To Tango

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Aren’t we all Petar? A lot of men think they can get Beyonce when really they’d be lucky to get Solange. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to have confidence in your ability to get a mate, but it’s important to be realistic. You’re probably not going to get a Victoria Secret model if you’re still living in your mom’s basement eating Cheetos for dinner.

Like A Razor

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This is very true about a Gillette razor, or any razor for that matter. The caption is a clever play off of Gillette’s marketing slogan “the best a man can get” and the fact that the razors do, in fact, cut you. Angling the razor in the slightly wrong direction will immediately result in a cut that feels like you just got stabbed from a dull knife. It’s awful.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a single mom while not being a single mom at all? This girl coming up does.

This Is Miraculous

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Oh, the classic Mountain Dew and Twizzler diet. It’s like the Jenny Craig diet but 100% better tasting and worth it. Many people claim to be on the MD&T diet, but, like Jenny Craig, most people fail out within the first six days of doing it because it takes a mental strength that many of us just don’t have.

Inner Conflicts

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It’s tough to have a good self-esteem when you’re growing up. Everybody that surrounds you has something you want and you feel like you have nothing to give. Teenagers look at other teenagers and start getting jealous of their earlobes. There’s no reason to be jealous of someone’s earlobes, but young people will find a way.

Being Someone You’re Not

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The internet is tough because you basically have to pretend to be someone you’re not. This girl exudes the type of empathy that this world needs more of. She’s putting herself in the shoes of a single mother even though she isn’t one. She can only imagine how tough it would be and wants to the dating world to know.

I’d Like To Buy A Vowel

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The real blasphemy here is that she’s wasting a perfectly cold beer by pouring it out on the sidewalk. I bet if you lined up 10 random people, there would be at least nine of them who would’ve taken that beer and enjoyed it responsibly and to its full potential. Instead, it’s embedded into sidewalk cracks and left to fend for itself.

NASA?

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Shannon gets that life is all about bettering yourself and constantly grinding away to be the best possible version of yourself. For Shannon, this involves interplanetary exploration in a sweet gold leather outfit and intense glasses. You can tell by this pose that she means business and won’t let anyone get in her way.